Blogging After So Long

Well, suddenly, I feel like blogging once again. It has been a while since I wrote something here.

I feel empty, that's why.

Far away from home, in another state, I am staying inside my room, with my pathetic laptop. Just finished watching "LOTR - The Two Towers (Extended Ver)". Was quite an inspiring movie.

While watching, many things crossed my mind. I wasn't fully into the movie, instead, I was thinking about life.

I noticed that -- pressure comes haunting us when we don't set our priorities right. Many a times, I have failed to set my pace right. Procrastination leads to failure. Avoiding to take action makes things worse.

I have been lazy and didn't work for my forum lately. A guilty feeling lingers in the air, making me so uncomfortable. I know I should not delay further, but somehow, I lost control of myself again. AGAIN. This is not the first time.

I want to be tough, to have high EQ. It's really challenging. However, I won't give up. Being emotionally stable is one of my goals within these two years. And I know I would be able to achieve it.

I fear what lies ahead of me. I fear the unknown. Uncertainties. I believe others feel the same too. Some could cope with it, some could not. AFA is a challenging course. Since I have chosen my path, I should ride ahead, no turning back. I shall not take any faltering steps backwards. I am a lone fighter, remember? I shall always be. No one will be able to help you unless you help yourself.

I am still trying to adapt to the changes (of environment). It may be hard in the beginning, but there's no doubt that I could not fit into the new environment. I have confidence in everything.

My heart is troubled with the thoughts of Zhi Zhong. I missed him a lot. He's been pretty busy lately and I don't want to disturb him. Could I resist the urge of wanting to contact him? to talk to him? Would we have a happy ending? Or will I be in pain for the next two years?

I guess it's time for me to return to my religion. Long have I let go my beliefs, my faith in the religion. What have I done? Why is my path so blurry? Oh God, forgive me, I have sinned since I strayed from the path of righteousness. Begging for forgiveness isn't enough to wash away the sins I have committed.

Dear God, is it possible to restore the strength I used to possess last time?

I wonder....