Another day has passed..

Geesh, I hope no one reads my blog, because it isn't suppose to "go to public".

Another terrible day.

Don't ask why.

I know I whine a lot.

But that's just the way I behave when I am stressed up.

Forgive me God, for not trusting you completely. Forgive me for being weak.

Why can't I heal after so long? Why am I hurting? Why am I becoming worse?

I hate to count cars.

I need to stop counting the cars.

I wish I could go away to somewhere far, somewhere I would not bump into close friends.

I wish to see the hills, the meadows.

I want to visit koko in USA. I want to experience different things.

I really need a break.

I need to find new inspiration to motivate me, to progress further.

I need to, even if I am not ready yet.

It's time to move on, Joanne. Please take yourself out from sadness. What's the point of making yourself looking like a dumb ass?

Get out.

Forget.

Let it go.

Late At Night

Wow, it has been ages since i last maintain my blog.

It's almost 5am in the morning, and I am still not sleeping. Roommate is chatting with a US friend I believe, not too sure about it. Anyway, while waiting for her, I am gonna write up something here.

It's night time.

And it's the time whereby thoughts and memories come to me without a sign or warning.

I can't help wandering off...deep in thoughts. Memories of the past kept haunting me, sweetly haunting me. Sometimes, I really hope I can live in the past, everything which had happened was just a dream. But is that even possible? I doubt it.

To be honest to myself, I still love him so much. I could not wave off this strong feeling. Can I keep my promise 2 months later? Will I be brave enough to let go of my hands and give him full freedom? Is it ever possible?

My heart aches everytime when he is near me. I wanted to hold him close to me, but I cant. I keep telling myself that I can get through these all alone, I am tough, I am strong, and I have grown up. But I guess I am just consoling myself. Sweet lies. *sigh*

A song for myself, when I am feeling down :

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know, it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

I woke up in the morning and I wonder
why everything is the same as it was
I cant understand, no I cant understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does the bird go on singing
Why do the stars shine above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you say Goodbye................

Geesh, I feel so down at the moment. How I wish I can get a hug from him. But It's not possible. Never possible anymore.

Life moves on I guess.

It sure does move on.

It's already 1am now, but I am not tired...

Hmmm, I have been hanging out with the guys so much lately. LOL. They are just so cute.

My housemates, 7 guys, they are so unique...somewhat different from the rest. Naive, yet so mature in a way...haha. Among them, I still prefer polar bear and totoro. Oh! By the way, we gave all of them a name! Hehehe! That's to make talking easier XD

I shall be taking my stuff from Jee Yee tomorrow from Kelana Jaya LRT station. Leaving Melati LRT station at about 9am I guess. Not so sure, depends on what time I sleep. OMG..they are going for supper again.....*yawn* I am so tired actually. If not for totoro.

I called pig up the other day, asking him to go out for dinner the other night. but sad to say, he rejected me...because he wanted to go out with his friend to buy stuff. I felt so empty.

Should I go out? hmmm.

Blogging After So Long

Well, suddenly, I feel like blogging once again. It has been a while since I wrote something here.

I feel empty, that's why.

Far away from home, in another state, I am staying inside my room, with my pathetic laptop. Just finished watching "LOTR - The Two Towers (Extended Ver)". Was quite an inspiring movie.

While watching, many things crossed my mind. I wasn't fully into the movie, instead, I was thinking about life.

I noticed that -- pressure comes haunting us when we don't set our priorities right. Many a times, I have failed to set my pace right. Procrastination leads to failure. Avoiding to take action makes things worse.

I have been lazy and didn't work for my forum lately. A guilty feeling lingers in the air, making me so uncomfortable. I know I should not delay further, but somehow, I lost control of myself again. AGAIN. This is not the first time.

I want to be tough, to have high EQ. It's really challenging. However, I won't give up. Being emotionally stable is one of my goals within these two years. And I know I would be able to achieve it.

I fear what lies ahead of me. I fear the unknown. Uncertainties. I believe others feel the same too. Some could cope with it, some could not. AFA is a challenging course. Since I have chosen my path, I should ride ahead, no turning back. I shall not take any faltering steps backwards. I am a lone fighter, remember? I shall always be. No one will be able to help you unless you help yourself.

I am still trying to adapt to the changes (of environment). It may be hard in the beginning, but there's no doubt that I could not fit into the new environment. I have confidence in everything.

My heart is troubled with the thoughts of Zhi Zhong. I missed him a lot. He's been pretty busy lately and I don't want to disturb him. Could I resist the urge of wanting to contact him? to talk to him? Would we have a happy ending? Or will I be in pain for the next two years?

I guess it's time for me to return to my religion. Long have I let go my beliefs, my faith in the religion. What have I done? Why is my path so blurry? Oh God, forgive me, I have sinned since I strayed from the path of righteousness. Begging for forgiveness isn't enough to wash away the sins I have committed.

Dear God, is it possible to restore the strength I used to possess last time?

I wonder....